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GarlicIsTheAnswer

 Title: Breaking Up Is Hard To Do

Rating: R (naughty words, naughty implications, general disturbingness, etc.)

Word Count: 1,103 (aprox.)

Pairings, Characters: Doctor Insano/Ask That Guy, mentions of Linkara, Nostalgia Critic, and the Angry Video Game Nerd.

Disclaimer: I am not affiliated in any way, shape, or form with thatguywiththeglasses.com, cinemassacre.com, or any their respective contributors. I mean no offence with my deranged fanfiction. If any of the persons contained within this fic come across it, I am sorry, please do not kill me. Also, I do not own the song from which I garnered the title.

Warnings: Second-Person narrative.

A/N: I started this about a week ago, then got busy with other things, and now all of the sudden everyone else is writing this deranged pairing, so I decided to work on it today. Set in freya_sacken’s ‘In Space’ verse, completely non-canon, etc. Written in Second-Person because I am crazy like that.

 

 

 

He doesn’t pay attention to you.

Oh, sure, in the early days after he teleported into your lab in a cloud of sulfur with his mad proposal, he paid plenty of attention to you. Together you and he pulled all-nighters perfecting the immortality serum, plotting how to accelerate modern space-travel programs, and outlining each and every one of the enhancements you’d be bestowing upon gamer and critic alike. There were times during those late-night sessions when you could have sworn you felt his eyes on you, felt something more in the way he clapped you on the back after a particularly difficult breakthrough. You felt a sense of kinship when you heard him laugh an evil laugh at just the right moment.

Centuries of working together, plotting together; scheming in dank spaceships and shiny penthouses. You watched together as pathetic humans colonized first the Moon, then other planets, and finally moved on to new solar systems, making endless supplies of popcorn and sharing questionable alcohol as the two of you laughed at their feeble technology that was so inferior to the things you’d created together. Gleefully, the two of you began to gradually inject serums into members of the Gamer and Critic factions, seemingly in random order, but there’s method to the madness you share with him, and he with you.

Now you and he have them all: drugged unconscious and chained to gurneys, awaiting and undergoing surgeries that will slowly but surely strip them of their humanity and make them into killing machines. 

He ignores you, as he is wont to do when there is something more interesting around. Namely, the Critic: drugged out of his cynical mind and chained to the operating table, jacket splayed out and shirt torn open to reveal an expanse of pale, smooth flesh that will soon be riddled with imperfections, if the dark flicker in Ask That Guy’s eyes are any indication of what’s to come.

You flash back to October 2009, when you arrived home late, to an empty lab, to find that your Nurse had absconded with the last case of Red Bull and left only a post-it note farewell behind. You remember thinking ‘forget her, she was never around anyways’ and then realizing that your son was gone as well.

He snaps you out of your recollections with a laugh – his deep, sinister laugh that puts you in mind of a demon rather than a mad scientist – and you pretend to be engrossed in observing the progress of Linkara’s enhancements. This is simple enough, as Linkara has never ceased to hold your attention: taunting you, foiling your plans, fleeing into the black to escape you …

And now he’s yours: completely at your mercy. You can do anything to him, and there’s no one to stop you. With a few quick slices you could remove his healing organ and watch him bleed to death. You could have your robots drag him into your room, handcuff him to your bed, and perform unspeakable acts upon him. You could continue to enhance him with augmentation after augmentation, until his humanity was completely eradicated.

You want to do each of those things, and more besides. You have the rest of eternity to use him however you please.

Then a tiny, nagging voice in the back of your head speaks up, building momentum until you recognize its valid point: there’s only so long you could torment Linkara until he broke. That puppy-dog glimmer would leave his eyes, his tenacity would fade, and he wouldn’t even care if you took his hat away.

He’d be no fun at all then.

Your gaze flickers to Ask That Guy, who is leaning down towards the Critic’s ear, no doubt to whisper obscenities … or perhaps bite it off. You wouldn’t put it past him.

You glance back down at Linkara, a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach, but a certainty in your heart that you get when you (correctly) predict the results of your experiments.

I think we should see other people …

You snort, then giggle, then begin all-out laughing. Ask That Guy doesn’t even react, but that’s one of the perks of being crazy: nobody bothers to notice when you’re laughing at nothing at all and when you’re laughing for a reason.

Soon, when his back is turned and he’s thoroughly engrossed in torturing the Nostalgia Critic, you’ll pounce on him. Perhaps you’ll stab him with a hypodermic needle and chain him to your bed with his own handcuffs. He’d like that, though he would complain and fight and grin that teasing Cheshire Cat grin, daring you on with his eyes all the while. He’d love every kink in your repertoire and comply eagerly. At the thought of him wearing Linkara’s hat you have to stifle a moan and clutch at the table for support.

You risk another glance at him, biting your lip as you fight the urge to take him now, experiments be damned, timing be damned, preparation be damned, but you hold yourself back and instead imagine the surprised expression he’ll wear when you do actually jump him.

He thinks he knows all the answers … well, he’s got another think coming, hasn’t he?

You smirk, and nod to yourself. Soon …

You turn around, smiling wildly to mask how calm and collected you are inside. “Mind if I take Linkara into my room for some, ah, personalized experimentation?”

He doesn’t even turn around. That alone makes you settle on your largest hypodermic needle for the inevitable jumping. He waves a hand absentmindedly. “Go on, you’ve only wanted to fuck him silly since 2008.” he looms over the Nostalgia Critic, stroking the man’s unconscious face. “I’d like to think that I can exhibit a little restraint where the Critic is concerned. Unlike Mr. Nerd over there,” he jerks his head towards the Angry Video Game Nerd’s gurney, despite the fact that he’s been talking to himself and you’ve started wheeling Linkara out of the room. “Hundreds of years of gratuitous, glorious violence, and it all could have been averted if someone had stripped both of them naked and locked them in a room for a couple of hours.”

He laughs, and even after working beside him for centuries it makes you freeze in your tracks.

Yes.”

That’s your cue to leave. So you do, wondering if you should operate on Linkara before or after you chain him to your bed and ‘fuck him silly’ as Ask That Guy so eloquently put it.

Both, you decide, indulging in a little cathartic evil laughter. Both.


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( 17 comments — Leave a comment )
freya_sacksen
Sep. 26th, 2009 10:11 pm (UTC)
That there, is some FINE writing, my dear.

Then a tiny, nagging voice in the back of your head speaks up, building momentum until you recognize its valid point: there’s only so long you could torment Linkara until he broke. That puppy-dog glimmer would leave his eyes, his tenacity would fade, and he wouldn’t even care if you took his hat away.
Aw. *wibbles* Now I know how you feel when I torture Linkara.
(But it is so much fun to do terrible things to him!...I'm an evil person, aren't I?)

“Hundreds of years of gratuitous, glorious violence, and it all could have been averted if someone had stripped both of them naked and locked them in a room for a couple of hours.”
*laughs* That's BEAUTIFUL.

Both, you decide, indulging in a little cathartic evil laughter. Both.
Ooh...*shiver* That ending is PERFECT.
aunt_zelda
Sep. 27th, 2009 04:07 am (UTC)
That there, is some FINE writing, my dear.
*blushes, beams, and squees* Thank you very much m'dear!

Aw. *wibbles* Now I know how you feel when I torture Linkara.
*grinz* I regret nothing.

(But it is so much fun to do terrible things to him!...I'm an evil person, aren't I?)
You're not evil! Just ... cruel to characters sometimes. And yeah, it IS fun to torture characters sometimes ... a lot of times ... *is a sick person too*

*laughs* That's BEAUTIFUL.
Hee! Isn't it just?

Ooh...*shiver* That ending is PERFECT.
I am particularly pleased with it myself. *grinz*

So glad that you liked this! *dances a little before collapsing into bed*
emeriin
Sep. 26th, 2009 10:32 pm (UTC)
Oh... God, this was so good! *shivers in delight*

There were times during those late-night sessions when you could have sworn you felt his eyes on you, felt something more in the way he clapped you on the back after a particularly difficult breakthrough. You felt a sense of kinship when you heard him laugh an evil laugh at just the right moment.

Aww, Insano... (I know I shouldn't feel bad for him, seeing as how this is the most evil he's ever been but I still do, only if its a tiny bit.)

Namely, the Critic: drugged out of his cynical mind and chained to the operating table, jacket splayed out and shirt torn open to reveal an expanse of pale, smooth flesh that will soon be riddled with imperfections, if the dark flicker in Ask That Guy’s eyes are any indication of what’s to come.

*tries not to want fanart of that image* My oh my, it's going to be difficult to go back to fairly fun fic after all this brilliant dark stuff.

You have the rest of eternity to use him however you please.

At the very least, I know this isn't going to be true so there. :P

Soon, when his back is turned and he’s thoroughly engrossed in torturing the Nostalgia Critic, you’ll pounce on him. Perhaps you’ll stab him with a hypodermic needle and chain him to your bed with his own handcuffs. He’d like that, though he would complain and fight and grin that teasing Cheshire Cat grin, daring you on with his eyes all the while. He’d love every kink in your repertoire and comply eagerly.

Insano, my darling, you have no idea how right you are. :D I love Ask That Guy like I love The Joker, Angelus and the Master. They're so depraved and sadistic that they're so much fun to write.

He laughs, and even after working beside him for centuries it makes you freeze in your tracks.

“Yes.”


Is it weird of me to find this the most terrifying bit of the fic because it's so familiar?

“Hundreds of years of gratuitous, glorious violence, and it all could have been averted if someone had stripped both of them naked and locked them in a room for a couple of hours.”

*giggles even though she knows she shouldn't* Up for a little voyeurism, Ask That Guy? ;)

Both, you decide, indulging in a little cathartic evil laughter. Both.

*shudders* Bravo, my dear. This was brilliant, scary, really fricking creepy, both Ask That Guy and Dr. Insano were amazingly written and I can't help but find it amusing that the Critic and Linkara tend to make such good woobies nowadays. :D
aunt_zelda
Sep. 30th, 2009 12:59 am (UTC)
Oh... God, this was so good! *shivers in delight*
*grinz and squees* I'm so pleased with the reactions to this fic!

Aww, Insano... (I know I shouldn't feel bad for him, seeing as how this is the most evil he's ever been but I still do, only if its a tiny bit.)
That's the beauty of it: he's so EVIL and insane, and yet he's also a total woobie. I love him so.

*tries not to want fanart of that image*
*tries with you*

My oh my, it's going to be difficult to go back to fairly fun fic after all this brilliant dark stuff.
Tell me about it!

At the very least, I know this isn't going to be true so there. :P
Brat! *whaps you*

Insano, my darling, you have no idea how right you are. :D I love Ask That Guy like I love The Joker, Angelus and the Master. They're so depraved and sadistic that they're so much fun to write.
Oh, I know! They're just so ... FUN! In this terrifying, awesome way. Everyone else sticks to these rules, but not those guys, they just dance around and steal the fic from under your feet ...

Is it weird of me to find this the most terrifying bit of the fic because it's so familiar?
No, it actually makes perfect sense in the strangest way.

*giggles even though she knows she shouldn't* Up for a little voyeurism, Ask That Guy? ;)
Heh heh heh ... he's just being practical!

*shudders* Bravo, my dear. This was brilliant, scary, really fricking creepy, both Ask That Guy and Dr. Insano were amazingly written and I can't help but find it amusing that the Critic and Linkara tend to make such good woobies nowadays. :D
You have NO IDEA how much your luverly comment brightened my week. Thank you SO MUCH. *huggles you*
What can I say, I write the psycho characters easier than the sane ones. *sighs* I've given up being scared by that ...
Yeah, it is pretty weird that we're making the NC and Linkara woobies so much, and that we somehow transformed the AVGN into this notorious sex god.
emeriin
Sep. 30th, 2009 01:21 pm (UTC)
Yeah, it is pretty weird that we're making the NC and Linkara woobies so much, and that we somehow transformed the AVGN into this notorious sex god.

I just love the fact that, no matter how weird it is, it does actually work. Too many slashy smut!fics and angst!fics have generic characters, OOC wangst or that ridiculous seme/uke dynamic and we don't have any of that yet. It's awesome. :D (What is also awesome is that the girls get just as much good character stuff and action as the boys do, which is rare for a slash-heavy fandom, but that's another issue for another time.)
aunt_zelda
Sep. 30th, 2009 11:04 pm (UTC)
or that ridiculous seme/uke dynamic
Yeah, that really annoys me after a while. So much so that I have a hard time enjoying boys love manga anymore, because there's always the kid-like younger guy and the adult-like older guy and it kinda creeps me out.

We do have a pretty awesome, crazy fandom. Let's hope we can keep it that way as we get more members! (When I posted my fic there was just me ... and now we're SIX! WOOHOO!)

(What is also awesome is that the girls get just as much good character stuff and action as the boys do, which is rare for a slash-heavy fandom, but that's another issue for another time.)
We do treat the girls good. *grinz* A lot of fandoms just happen to be male-dominated, but I love how we've taken The Chick, Goggles, Marzgurl, Little Miss Gamer, and BFF Nella and kept them on the same level as the millions of guys from TGWTG.com ...
pyrocrastinator
Sep. 26th, 2009 10:33 pm (UTC)
You remember thinking ‘forget her, she was never around anyways’ and then realizing that your son was gone as well.

D:

everything else in this fic

>:D
aunt_zelda
Sep. 27th, 2009 04:09 am (UTC)
D:
I know, I'm sorry. Originally this fic made Insano a lot more woobiefied and depressing than depraved and scary. Still had to leave that bit in. *huggles Insano*

>:D
In the words of Chester A. Bum: HURRAY!
bubosquared
Sep. 27th, 2009 02:33 pm (UTC)
Excuse me while I flail in an attempt at eloquence. *FLAIL* I think this may actually be my favourite line, possibly from any of your fics ever:

I think we should see other people …

And I cannot explain why! *flails moar*

"Hundreds of years of gratuitous, glorious violence, and it all could have been averted if someone had stripped both of them naked and locked them in a room for a couple of hours."

Aaand I just imagined that, and now I cannae stop snickering.

("Why are we naked and locked in a cupboard?"

"I have no idea; the Nostalgia Chick said something about it being for the sake of humanity, right before she knocked me out.")
aunt_zelda
Sep. 30th, 2009 01:01 am (UTC)
Excuse me while I flail in an attempt at eloquence. *FLAIL*
*watches you with glee*

And I cannot explain why! *flails moar*
It's ... funny in a weird kind of way? *shrugs* I like it. Like the whole fic, actually.

Aaand I just imagined that, and now I cannae stop snickering.
Did you just say 'cannae?' (Hee ...)

("Why are we naked and locked in a cupboard?"
"I have no idea; the Nostalgia Chick said something about it being for the sake of humanity, right before she knocked me out.")

*sporfleDIEZ* Noooo ... I can't write more AVGN/NC fic! I'm pushing my luck, they'll kill me! Or, worse, sick their fanboys on me!
bubosquared
Sep. 30th, 2009 10:03 am (UTC)
Did you just say 'cannae?' (Hee ...)

Oops? :D Sorry, I got into the habit of doing that shortly after I moved to Scotland, and now it won't go away. Sorry!

*sporfleDIEZ* Noooo ... I can't write more AVGN/NC fic! I'm pushing my luck, they'll kill me! Or, worse, sick their fanboys on me!

But but but. *puppy dog eyes* Pwease? Pwetty pwease? As a reward for my hard work on the zombie apocalypse story?
aunt_zelda
Sep. 30th, 2009 10:58 pm (UTC)
Oops? :D Sorry, I got into the habit of doing that shortly after I moved to Scotland, and now it won't go away. Sorry!
No, no, it's funny! I just don't think I've ever seen someone type it before!

But but but. *puppy dog eyes* Pwease? Pwetty pwease? As a reward for my hard work on the zombie apocalypse story?
*headdesks* ARGH. Fine, after I get the '____' from Insano's POV fic done and posted, I'll work on the 'AVGN/NC locked in a cupboard' fic next.
bubosquared
Oct. 1st, 2009 10:03 am (UTC)
*headdesks* ARGH. Fine, after I get the '____' from Insano's POV fic done and posted, I'll work on the 'AVGN/NC locked in a cupboard' fic next.

Muahahaha! Mine is an evil laugh! :D

(Come not to the Belgians for advise, for we will say both "yes," "no," and "OMG DO EET!" Eheheheheh.)
fininevermore
Dec. 1st, 2009 11:52 pm (UTC)
Okay, this has got to be the first time that Dr. Insano has legitimately scared me. Ask That Guy has always scared me, but Insano is so pathetic, like Wile E. Coyote. I never really thought of him as anything like sinister. It gives me chills. Well, all that time with ATG and that's bound to happen. I'm strangely intrigued. Great, now I'm going to hell.
aunt_zelda
Dec. 8th, 2009 12:16 am (UTC)
Okay, this has got to be the first time that Dr. Insano has legitimately scared me.
*jawdrop* Really? Wow, that's an insanely flattering compliment!

Ask That Guy has always scared me, but Insano is so pathetic, like Wile E. Coyote.
Yeah, I get what you mean. Insano TRIES to be scary, but he just comes off as this ultra-woobie who you want to huggle and give sandwiches to and try to talk out of the whole 'take over the world' thing. With smooches.

I never really thought of him as anything like sinister. It gives me chills.
Eeeeeeeeeeee! *squees to self all night*

Well, all that time with ATG and that's bound to happen. I'm strangely intrigued.
Aren't we all ... the things those two would get up to ... most don't bear thinking about.

Great, now I'm going to hell.
You're
going to hell? What about ME?! I wrote it! I brought the pairing up first, in my 'In Space' fanmix! Don't you worry, as usual in this fandom, I'm clearing the way to Special Hell for everyone else!
fininevermore
Dec. 8th, 2009 12:40 am (UTC)
Yeah, I get what you mean. Insano TRIES to be scary, but he just comes off as this ultra-woobie who you want to huggle and give sandwiches to and try to talk out of the whole 'take over the world' thing. With smooches.
And you'd be fairly sure you'll be able to pull it off too. Here though, not really.

Aren't we all ... the things those two would get up to ... most don't bear thinking about.
I blame you. And the fellating of the pipe.
aunt_zelda
Dec. 10th, 2009 01:31 am (UTC)
And you'd be fairly sure you'll be able to pull it off too.
Most of the time, yes!

Here though, not really.
True ... *shivers*

I blame you.
*grinz* Why thank you!

And the fellating of the pipe.
Oh god ... *turns beet red*
( 17 comments — Leave a comment )

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